Essence – ugliness

 

One of the hardest things I still deal with is facial hair. I was blessed as a guy with a thick beard of thick dense red hair. Electrolysis is ongoing. I’ve been having weekly treatments of 1.5 to 2 hours a session for a few years now, minus the occasional break. I still have a ways to go. I have to grow out my hair for two to three days prior to a session so there is enough to see, electrocute, and pluck out dead. The hour produces 300-350 kills. It hurts. More than that hurt is the hurt by having the facial hair in the first place. I am self-conscious even when I know the hair is not visible. I know it’s there. I can feel it. I can see it. The fact that I’ve gained fifteen pounds, that my nails don’t look pretty all the time, even that my voice isn’t always that feminine, none of that compares to the never ending hate and disgust of what grows on my face. The pain it brings to me inside. It’s a process and some day it will be gone. I live with it, I deal with it, but its always there scarring me a little more every day.

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