Thoughts on suicide…

********Because I know some of my family and friends will be highly concerned with this post and what I have to say, I will say this. “I AM FINE, DON”T WORRY”¬† all this stuff is well in the past.*******

The National Center for Transgender Equality posted facts that a whopping 41% of respondents responded yes to the question “have you ever attempted suicide.” Compare that with the population at large that has a 1.6% rate of attempted suicide.

I am not making assumptions that the survey isn’t flawed, if a formal survey were to be done, the rate may show up markedly lower. What we can take away is that suicide for transgender people is significantly higher than the average population. This makes for a very real issue and for something that Psychologists and other therapists for the transgender population must be concerned with.

It was talked about in my therapy session on occasion. I knew I would never attempt it. All the talk in the trans community about it did get me to consider it more than I otherwise would have. I was aware that I would never even attempt  suicide. That gave me the freedom to contemplate it. I also knew I was going weekly to my therapist and she could keep me straight if I wandered.

I thought of all the methods, how I would do it. I thought of each one why I could never do it. Pills; maybe I wouldn’t take the right ones and would end up brain damaged and still alive. Wrist Sliting; I’m not sure I could watch myself actually do it, and then someone would have to find me like that. It would be cruel to do that to someone. Gun; I don’t have a gun. I would miss and be deformed the rest of my life. Again, someone would have to find me like that. It seems like the cowardly way of all the cowardly ways. Drive my car off a bridge; well, if I was going to…

It comes down to the fact that I have way too much to live for and I know that. I wouldn’t want to do that to my friends and family. There is always another way to deal with hardships in our lives. None the less, I got to the point where I actually considered methods. I considered it. That’s a tough one for even me to swallow.

I wear a bracelet in most of these images that deal with my difficulties. The bracelet is a beautifully simple one a friend gave to me just before I left for the trip to Argentina. I kept it on in the images consciously as a sort of tribute and reminder that my friends and my family are what pulled me through so many difficult times. Too many people who are transgender never get through to the other side. To happiness with themselves. I hope that my work helps people realize the importance of reaching out to transgender people. I hope it educates people to the issues we face and the fact that we are just that, people. Hopefully it will help, in some small way, to educate someone or some people so that their friendship is why another transgender person doesn’t attempt suicide. Just maybe.

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